


save the turtles! // changlix.

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Depressed Seo Changbin, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Top Seo Changbin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21685615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "save the turtles! skzskzskz"in which felix, the vsco boy, saves changbin, the turtle.
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	save the turtles! // changlix.

11:30 pm

changbin laid in bed, his pillow damp with the wet tears. he felt numb, he felt unwanted and he felt...lonely. everyone was forgetting about him, felix too. jeongin and felix had gotten close, they seemed so happy together, it wouldn't make a difference if he left. minho seemed so happy with jisung, chan with woojin, hyunjin with seungmin and jeongin with felix.

flashback

the group sat together, minho cuddling with jisung, chan smiling at woojin, hyunjin prepping kisses on seungmins face and jeongin and felix messing around. no one noticed the dark boy, changbin alone, frowning in the corner. he looked over at felix and jeongin and felt his heart break, although changbin didn't want to admit it, he knew deep down that he was in love with lee felix. he loved felix's eyes, his freckles, the way he laughed and the way he was perfect but the boy was scared, scared of rejection, so he just kept his distance and took in the youngers beauty from far away. he noticed how felix's eyes shaped into crescents and how his smile grew bigger as he looked at jeongin when it should've been him instead. he forced his eyes to look away from his crush and the boy he envied and looked over to their group again, scanning everyone. they all were so happy together, changbin felt like an outsider. he was jealous of his group because they all were happy but not him.

'do i not deserve to be happy?' he thought. 

he couldn't take it anymore so he excused himself to go to sleep but as usual, no one noticed, they all ignored changbin. that's when the feeling came. the feeling of loneliness, of not being wanted and of feeling like you don't belong.

flashback ends

that was the first time he felt sad in years. little did he know that was only the beginning. this kept going on, each day changbin fell more into the pit of depression. it was like falling off an endless cliff, the more you go in, the faster you fall. by each passing day, changbin felt more like an outcome. he didn't have any family to go back to, he only had stray kids. they were his rock, but now it seemed like that rock was broken and changbin was the piece that broke off. when stray kids first met, they didn't along, especially changbin but felix was the one who brought them together.

maybe i should just end my life, it's not like they'll notice.

changbin couldn't help but think that.

190128  
"stop staring into the oblivion and do your steps properly!" minho yelled, pissed at how much changbin kept zoning out and doing the wrong choreography.

i'm sorry.

190213  
"look at how much you keep messing up! can't you do anything properly!? you're like a turtle, slow and dense!" hyunjin yelled.

ouch.

190225  
"if you keep acting so careless then i'll ask jyp to kick you out myself!" chan said angrily.

another tear drop fell from the boys eye but the one that hurt the most was...

190405  
"what is wrong with you?! you really can't do anything right! look what you've caused! i wish you would just leave!" 

felix yelled.

changbin was numb when someone else yelled at him but felix's words were like cutting open old scars. he was used to being yelled at but he wasn't used to being yelled at by the boy he loved and it hurt, it hurt changbin so much. that night changbin cried himself to sleep. and the every night after that day. felix's words had affected him alot more than he thought. changbin slowly isolated himself, he stopped having breakfast, lunch and dinner with the boys. for the first few days they came and asked him to come and have food with them but the shorter boy just declined and slowly they stopped, they had given up on changbin in only a few days. things only got worse from there on, changbin stopped eating so he could avoid his members and their constant nagging. he left early and stayed late in the studio so he didn't have to answer all the questions that came towards him. he wanted to die. for him, living was just another form of suffering. he would have voices in this head, telling him to end it all, he'd have breakdowns trying to stop himself from giving in and letting the voices take over him.

as for stray kids, they noticed something was up with changbin but ignored it because they were too mad at him to do something. they lived normally, making recordings, going to dance practices and doing their regular routine. obviously changbin was there but it was like all the energy out of him was drained out. 

he had dark bags under eyes from not sleeping and puffy eyes from crying too much. he didn't have the same motivation to dance and the name of being an idol got heavier. at this point changbin hated himself, he hated how he blamed this on himself and he hated how he couldn't do anything to prevent him from feeling so miserable, so sad and becoming so... so suicidal. and then one night changbin relapsed.

the nightmare started off with him in his old high school, he walked up to his locker but then the school got darker and everyone disappeared. 

"you thought you escaped me huh?" changbin's old bully Yang Hyun-suk said. changbin whimpered,

"le- leave me al- alone please!" he cried but Hyun-suks fist came in contact with changbins face. it hurt so much that it made changbin think it wasn't a dream. changbins dream only got worse, he fell to the group and black spots appeared in his vision, hyun-suk stood there laughing and all of a sudden he changed into changbins dad. changbins dad kicked his jaw and changbin cried and begged him to stop but the blows kept coming and then all of a sudden, changbin woke up.

his breathing was ragged and there were beads of sweat falling down from his forehead. he blinked back tears and looked around and felt himself calm down.

breathe in, breathe out.

he wanted to so desperately go and crawl into Felix's arms and cry until the younger would stroke his hair and tell him that everything will be okay as felix was the only reason changbin's nightmares had stopped. felix was changbin's only escape and he was slipping out of changbins life too. pushing his thoughts aside, changbin wore his glasses and went downstairs to get a glass of water. he carefully went downstairs and noticed that the boys excluding changbin were all down, sitting in the living room. the stairs were visible from the living room but no one noticed him as they were too emerged into their conversation so changbin just wiped his dry tears, ignored them and went to the kitchen to have a glass of water.

with shaky hands he drank down a glass over water before setting it down in the sink. he felt a little better, he was still shaken up by the nightmare that he hadn't had in 2 years. he looked over the kitchen counter and saw a knife and changbin and it looked so tempting...changbin snapped out of his gaze and took a shaky breath. he walked back to go up the stairs but something the boys said caught his ear,

"changbin has gotten so much worse! he's like a slow turtle! he keeps messing us and is embarrassing us all!" minho yelled, pulling at his hair. the others seemed to agree. changbin's eyes pricked with tears.

"he's becoming so useless! he's honestly going to be the reason for the downfall of our group, he is so fucking selfish to think about only himself! he is a disgrace, jyp should've eliminated him instead of felix and minho!" hyunjin ranted as changbin stood there with tears in his eyes, daring to drop. he felt like he was slapped in the face, he didn't know what was worse, the fact that hyunjin had said all that or the fact that he knew he was to blame, he brought this upon himself and it was too much for him. his eye sight got blurry and he knew a panic attack was coming his way. 

the boy hurriedly went up the stairs, trying not to make too much sound, he successfully went up and ran to the 4th room in the hallway and closed it carefully.

thank god no one heard me.

or so he thought before jeongin had noticed it all, from when he came down with the tear-stained face to him drinking from the glass of water. the maknae didn't know how much his hyung had heard but he knew it wasn't good when he saw his hyungs broken face and shaky hands but he didn't know what to do. he knew if he went after changbin it wouldn't help because there was only one person that changbin fully trusted and that was felix. jeongin looked at the boy softly sleeping on the sofa and decided it was best to let him sleep, he knew it would be messier to let felix sleep and not go after changbin but this was the first time felix had slept in days. felix would rant about how much he missed changbin and how much he was in love with him but was too scared to do anything.

( •_•) 💖

changbins legs gave up on him and he fell to the ground clutching his pounding head. there were tears steaming down the boys face and thoughts swarming in his head.

you're pathetic!

you should just leave!

you're worthless!

you just a waste of space! go die!

unwanted memories that changbin had forgotten were resurfacing and he couldn't take it. the words carved into his heart. his cried into his almost wet sweatshirt as the voices got louder until he couldn't hear anything, only his loud sobs, ragged breathing and the voices in his head. 

"stop! shut up!" changbin cried, getting up to reach his pills kept on the bed side table and trying to soften his sobs.

the boys in the living room had heard him, except felix since he was sleeping. their heads snapped up and worry came upon their faces, woojin was the first to react, he was about to run up but jeongin stopped him.

"stop, i think felix should handle this" 

"but he's sleeping" woojin protested.

"he's not anymore," jeonjin said as he woke felix up, "felix hyung i think changbin hyung is calling you" 

"what really!? i'm going then bye!" felix said, happily sprinting up the stairs. the younger boy didn't care about knocking, and walked right into changbin's room. he saw changbin hyung standing by his bed with his head down and a wet sweatshirt. 

he must've dropped something on himself,   
felix thought. he walked up the the shorter boy and felt so happy.

"Save the turtles skzskzskz! I love saving them!" Felix chirped looking at changbin, who had his head down, with the biggest smile. 

"then save me" changbin looked up with a tear stained face and puffy red eyes.

w- what?" felix's smile dropped seeing his favorite hyung in a broken state. 

"I cant take it anymore. aren't i a turtle? i can't do anything right. all i've done is disappointed you all and look where that's gotten. you all hate me. I don't even know why i'm a part of stray kids, i'm not good looking or even talented. i'm so fucking pathetic for being so reliable and sensitive and i don't think i can take this anymore felix, the only reason i kept going was because of you, because i thought if you were with me everything would be fine but i'm sure you hate me too. there's no reason for me to live, no one wants me here, no one will notice if i'm gone. i get flashbacks from things i don't want to remember and i don't know if i'm really good in acting like I'm fine or if people just don't care enough but i am done pretending, i can only take so much. i tried, i tried so hard not to give in but i'm so sorry. you don't have to worry about me messing up anymore. i'll be gone tomorrow." changbin let out, his heart aching.

"h- hyung pl- please no," felix whispered as a tear fell from his eyes. "i don't think i can live without you. this past month you have no clue how much it hurt to see you sad, i wanted to come and ask you how you've been doing but i was too afraid i'd mess up and hyung you are so fucking beautiful, you're so talented, i don't know why you would think like that of yourself but in mine and everyones eyes you are so pretty and handsome and you are amazing, you make my day just by showing up and talking to me and i feel my heart beat out of my chest and i feel so giddy and i just want to tell you everythings gonna be okay and shower you with kisses an-"

"t- then do it." changbin cut off felix.

"w-what" 

"i said, then do it. shower me with kisses a-and tell me-" this time it was changbins turn to be cut off by felix lowering his head down and crashing his soft lips on the shorter boy's. changbin melted into the youngers arms and clutched his shirt, too afraid to let go.

and that's when changbin believed that everything would be alright because he had felix by his side.

[ s k i p l o l ] 

the boys talked. they had heard everything from behind changbins door and that day an understanding settled between the boys and changbin got better... with felix by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> ok so that's that lol I actually posted this on wattpad and decided to post it here too but I hope you like this!! if you can, please show some love to it on wattpad too <3


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